H&F News forced to print the words "Andy Slaughter"

In shocking developments this morning press officers at Hammersmith Town Hall felt obliged to print the words "Andy" and "Slaughter" on an official Council publication. The words, which for years have been banned by the Central Commissariat of the Politburo, were printed on the official announcement of the parliamentary election results.

H&F News, or Pravda as it is known to even fellow Conservatives in Parliament, has banned the use of the words for years and one press officer, who spoke on condition of remaining nameless, said he feared for his family.

"We didn't have any choice, we were just following orders" he said, as his shaking fingers raised a cigarette to his mouth round the back of the building, "the electoral commission said we had to." Referring to Council Leader Stephen Greenhalgh he said through tears "if Big Brother realises who printed the words, there'll be hell to pay. My goodness, we even had to print the word "Labour" on the same form!"

An official spokesperson for the Council said: "This was a magnificent result. The Conservatives in Hammersmith have routed the enemy and they are in retreat. The only party in this Borough is Conservative and taxpayers only want their money spent talking about them."